I spoke with two transplant nurses on Friday. We covered many topics related to stem cell transplant. Let the fun begin. I declared my desire to have it done at MD Anderson since they do a great number more than anyone else and might be better suited to handle a complex case like mine.

They reminded me of the many things that are important to me now and during my entire chemo + stem cell transplant journey: no crowds, no sick people around, no fresh fruits and vegetables, and…. 

Say what?

I love my fresh fruits and veggies! March 1st, 2014, I became mostly vegan. Mostly. I avoided almost all meats, milk products (which I have done for years being lactose intolerant), processed foods, and focused on eating whole fruits, vegetables, nuts, and legumes. I had just set up early Friday morning my new nutribullet (and had tried out a concoction) and the juicer and mixer station in my kitchen, all of which were donated kindly by others to help promote optimal nutrition. I was so pumped. Now they sit silent. Staring at me. Wondering why they are being ignored.

I made great progress in my effort for 3.5 months to revolutionize the nutritional aspect of my life. I did not set out to be purely vegan/vegetarian. I figure an 80/20 mix is good, staying away from trashy foods. It reset my palate, I started to appreciate food so much more, lost some weight, gained energy, then this pesky cancer thing resurfaced. Dang cancer.

Tonight, I felt strong enough to sneak into a local grocery store later in the night. I surveyed the parking lot, few cars, check. Wiped my hands and basket down for 2 minutes with antiseptic cloths, check. Walked by the nectarines and fresh fruit in season to grab some fresh goodies…

Shazam!

The twinge of pain I felt as I realized that most of this section is off limits to me. Well, not really, just the portion I can’t cook. If I can cook it down good, then I can eat it. I stopped the cart for a moment and just stared, feeling awkward in a place I found so much joy in just one month ago. A twinge of sadness surfaced. I decided to stare at the untouchable only would add to my troubles. I swallowed my emotions, walked through this section taking big nose hits of the various fragrant offerings, then went straight to the laxative section. That always fixes things.

Those peaches and nectarines were fragrant and beautiful, just singing a sad song of separation waiting for me to return triumphantly some some day to gobble as many as I can. 

**sigh**